We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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