also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
