I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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