its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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