I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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