he wants to bone in the snuggie
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Someone came in the potted fern
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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