This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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