no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
