So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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