He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
