The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
sex in a hospital.. check
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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