Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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