Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
