we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
