i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
