it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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