butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
