I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
