five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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