I wish life had little blips of pornography
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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