Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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