she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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