Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
