I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
