Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
