We named our party play list daddy issues
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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