She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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