Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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