just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
