I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Can you bring me the toilet please
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
