I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We have started to decorate penises.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
