She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
