sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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