I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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