I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He better not be in your backpack
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize