She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
