I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
