She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize