so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
