I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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