I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
