I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
