Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
