I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
