haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
