alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
