What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
