he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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