i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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