I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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