Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
