Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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