my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
