In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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