Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
