hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize