I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
