last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
