so that wasnt chicken after all
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
BRING THE BAGELS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
