apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
