I just pynch a tree in the face
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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