Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
