Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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