11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
