Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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