Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize