I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
