I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
