i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
