All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize