capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
