Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
