So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
