paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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